Is Coffee Really a Snack?

There’s something amusing about regarding a cup of coffee as a snack. I love coffee. I use an AeroPress to make mine usually yet found myself so hungry a couple of days ago I resorted to one of Mum’s Nescafé Gold ready-mix thinking it would fill me up. I would have had more success with the AeroPress I think.

As I sipped the strange tasting concoction trying to convince myself it was worth 2 Weight Watchers Points and was filling me up I also told myself “You can do this.” No junk food until Christmas Eve. It’s not that long. Just 29 get-ups. Holy moly is that all?

I’m on a Diet…

…again. I am now at one of the heaviest weights of my life. A whopping 291 lb. That’s not quiet the heaviest but almost. I am also the most unfit I have been in my live. A 42 year old insulin dependent diabetic weighing 291 lb . Yeah not looking good.

So I am trying again to start a diet and stick to a diet. I like eating junk food so much. I also like being alive so I will try my hardest. I’ve asked Mum and boyfriend to support me. I aim to ditch junk food until Christmas Eve. It’s day 2 and I’m hungry. Insulin adjustments are using up all of the fuel I’m putting in. I can do it. For me, hunger is good. Ridiculous isn’t it!

Never buy a 70’s house…

…especially a semi with a layer of brick missing between the houses. We have the breeze block. They have the brick. We hear a lot of each other. Sadly, we hear more of them than they do of us.

Our current neighbours moved in two weeks ago. We are delighted the previous neighbours have moved. They new neighbour’s noise isn’t affecting us emotionally as we ourselves are moving next year; Mum wants to go home up North and I have no problem with that.

What I struggle to understand is why people are so miserable and angry. Mum and I have suffered over the years. We’ve had more than our fair share of trauma. Yet we remain quite content in our day-to-day lives. Yes we have problems but we keep laughing, keep having fun. Our neighbours shout at each other a lot. A lot. Even the young child living there shouts.

Mum and I will never stop being us. We will never succumb to the miseries of life. I am increasingly proud of us for doing so. Life it shit. It really is. You can’t let it beat you. We won’t.

I Hate the World and Everything in It…

…well not really. I’m not a hateful person. Today I feel miserable and wish everything would go away. Everything. The world. Everyone in it. Memories. I’m hormonal so I get upset. I accept this monthly misery happy in the knowledge I am 42 and the end is on a distant but definite horizon. This month its been ridiculous. I’m upset about the team leader who tried to discipline me as I was leaving work to visit my seriously ill Mum in hospital, knowing we have no other family and it took me one-and-a-half-hours to get there. The 6th form history teacher who condescendingly pointed out her son did his homework the minute he got home as I tried to explain I also had to work evenings. The get well soon and leaving cards I’m still waiting for. Trivial things really that today are making me cry. The teacher is probably dead now. The team leader was a miserable bitch and I no longer work there. My colleagues didn’t send cards. Who gives a shit? I hated the place and leaving was the best thing I could do for my health. These things don’t matter. Today I am miserable. Tomorrow I’ll feel better. Maybe. Hopefully. If not, the next day. In a few years the hormones will stop flowing and the womb will dry. I will be free of the monthly misery. Bring it on. And to the academic in the news recently stating PMS is a myth; KISS MY FAT ARSE.